The Sad Joy

This whole month has been such a convicting joyous month. That may sound weird explained that way, but it has been a very mind and eye opening month. I can’t stop feeling all this joy, but yet feel all these sadness. As we all may know, this country has been in an unrest state. There are all kinds of things going on. I mean, if you turn on the news, you will see what I mean.

There has been fires all throughout the west states near the Pacific Ocean. California, Oregon, and Washington. I am sure there are more throughout the world, but… I live in Washington, so I’ll share what’s going on here. You know what they say, when you see it with your own eyes, it impacts you in a way that it won’t others. There were fires on the freeway, a neighborhood that burned down at least eight homes, at a skating rink, and I believe there were more in Tacoma.

The thing is, these were not natural caused fires. These were done deliberately. The consequences were the sun being hidden by the heavy smoke. The intake of each breath were not pure of the air that gives us life, but instead a breath that makes you think, “What is happening to us?” Deliberate actions such as these to cause harm to another is what’s happening to us. We are no longer a community that love and care for each other, but a place where human beings are at most, fighting against each other. It makes me see clearly that we love God so little, that the love of others around us is almost invisible as a whole. We don’t see this just in Washington, but more places. This is the sadness that I feel, but doesn’t consume me.

It starts with a choice, a strength within the mind, and that dictates what the hand does or what the mouth say.

The joy comes from realizing why things are the way they are. It comes from seeing what causes it and lack thereof. This simple observation reveals the answer to humanity. It shows what must be done by each person that lives in this world. It starts with one, then two, then a group, then a community, then as a whole. It starts with a choice, a strength within the mind, and that dictates what the hand does or what the mouth say. It sounds fairly easy as these words are being read, but it takes a willful of unbelievable strength to live it out.

That’s where my joy comes from. God gives me that because through all the troubles this life gives, God is never changing and His word remains true. There is this peace that surrounds my natural anxious heart that lets me know that God knows and God hears. Some people may think that I was born Christian, have been to church since I was little and don’t know anything else besides what the “Christian community” taught me. Except, that I wasn’t and have not.

I am what you call the black sheep of my family. I was born in a muslim family. I knew nothing else, but had questions about everything. This is probably another story to tell, but how amazing is it that God can find me in the most unlikely place and give me peace throughout “my Exodus”.

In a way, I feel like God was training me to be in peace in a place of chaos. He knows who I was. I was anxious, I was troubled and I was in constant worry naturally. He knows the great trouble I go through in a day to day basis. I say was, but I still am like that, but probably not as much.

I call this a sad joy because that’s what it really is.

Through all the painful things that I see or feel around me,

God has taught me not to be consumed in it.

Instead, rest in the Spirit that He left in me to be my peace. This world won’t be any better, this I know. I know it may look as if it were… but I think those who’ve read the book of revelation know better.

I think it’s a little bit creepy to see how the things that were prophesied has come true. It’s like a movie that you see are unfolding. The bad that are being seen as good, and good that are being seen as bad. These teachers that are suppose to teach us Truth, teaches a version of the truth. These are the things we have to be discerned with. Not only to see the right and wrong, but to be able to see the right and the “almost” right. There are sad things, yes… but there is also Joy and Joy is constant.

I have not been putting God first, but instead everything else.

In one short month, there has been a huge change in my mind and heart. I have not been putting God first, but instead everything else. Yes, even a once-muslim-Christian still fall short to this. It shows how much we have to nurture our faith and how often we need to practice it. It’s like everything else in life. Marriage, career, gardening, children, a pet… lol. Everything has to be nurtured to give life, do you agree? The same goes with our walk in Christ. This month, I learned that God really is priority because everything else stems from that.

To love God with all your heart means to love His commands. “Commands” make you run away, I know. Except, all He wants is to love Him which in turn makes it natural to love people – Your family, your friends, your neighbor, the people at the store, the random stranger you meet as you pick up takeout or in an Uber, and even the people who don’t agree with your political stand. It starts with me and it starts with you. If not me, then who? If not us, then who? Jesus just wants our hearts to go back to Him.

So day by day, I am returning to you, Lord and day by day, I will grow stronger in your Word. Amen.

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  1. Sherry Lucas
    October 1, 2020 / 11:10 AM

    Thank you, Livi, for this! I’m going to show this to my 13 year old daughter. She has so many questions about the Christian faith that I’m trying to help her with. She also pays attention to what is going on in the world. Thanks again, Livi.

    • xolivi
      October 2, 2020 / 2:51 PM

      Oh my goodness, you are welcome. Thank you for reading this and I hope that this speaks to your 13 year old daughter!

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