So Uncomfortable

I think that’s been my heart lately. Ugh. It is a constant tug in my heart. The tug that feels so strong where you have no choice but to listen and feel it. My friend came over today on this beautiful Thursday. and we were talking about living life with God. Intentionally living with God means to learn His nature and His Word. It means submerging ourselves to study the Bible and live it out. It means to feed ourselves daily.

It also means we would know good from evil. We would know who’s actually living for God and who lives for themselves. Finally, the most uncomfortable thing of all… is to speak life to those who live and speak against God’s true nature. We all see this Bible verse about love all the time. It’s everywhere. I think you know where I’m getting at. Corinthians 13. I’ve seen and read this many times but I still have to Google it or go to my Bible app for the exact wording lol, so here it is:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Did you read that or skim it? Did you blah blah it and go to this next paragraph so fast? HAHA. Don’t worry, I do it, too but seriously THIS other verse goes hand in hand:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23

And finally this last one ties those two together:

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit.- Matthew 12:33

That verse totally sounds like a teacher is talking to a whole bunch of three year olds. This… good. That… BAD. (lol) Okay, I’ll be serious. If we feed ourselves with God’s Word every single day, we strive to live it each day. At the same time, we are also very aware of it not only within ourselves, but those around us. We see our own fruit and we also see the fruit of those around us.

It’s a hard thing for me. Knowing that love should come over evil anytime and all the time, but sometimes I don’t profess it when I hear other people talk so hatefully. It’s so uncomfortable that it depresses me. Like, God, why do I have to speak life to these people? Why me? Shouldn’t they know this already? I just want to stay quiet, but then God tugs me. And I freaking hate that tug.

It’s a tug that says no words but all the words at the same time. I know that tug of God. He asks, “Well if not you, then who?” And then the worst one of all, “Are you really afraid to speak about who I AM? Are you afraid to live for me by refusing to speak life over evil? Are you afraid to speak my truth? Are you cowering down for the devil? Who is your God? Who are you? WHOSE are you?” Oh man. It just keeps going on and on!

Then God reminds me that I am not alone. Like literally, I have children and these children see me. How I speak, how I respond, how I act, etc. He just keeps going, “What are you showing your kids if you stay silent? They’re going to stay silent now and they’re going to keep being silent when they’re older. They’ll never be able to love on people even if it’s hard to. So then, who’s going to fight for LOVE if love doesn’t say anything and lets evil run rampant?” I don’t know, honestly, I really hate it but I do know I want to rejoice with the truth.

I think I hate it because I think I have to respond harshly, but I don’t at all. Let’s place an example here in today’s world. Wow, everyone is so political and divided because of this. It’s really sad. I think I talked about this in my last post. The hate just hurts so much. I drove somewhere the other day? Week? Ah, can’t remember. Maybe I picked up my daughter from school because I remember she was with me. I turned left on the four way intersection and there were people holding up “F Joe Biden”. People on one side bashing Trump and the other condemning Biden. This is America today, and I’m just wondering if there are people actually praying for Biden or Trump? Lifting them up to God and praying over them? One thing I also notice… No one holds signs for Jesus.

I was so uncomfortable because I knew my daughter read that. I wasn’t sure what she took from it. I felt that TUG. Ew, yeah okay so I talked to her. I don’t even know if she knows anything about people and their political views lol. I knew all I had to do is speak the truth with her. God calls us to love all, even those we dislike, and even our enemies. We are called to intercede for them, pray for them, and lift them up to God because God loves them too despite what we feel. We are not called to hold up F signs or curse them. It doesn’t even matter what we feel… as long as we choose to be in God’s nature, no one can be against us. There is no law against such things. No law against speaking love.

It was a good conversation because she replied, “yeah, I know” LOL. When we went home, I was like I think God was making me practice giving glory to who He is. I realize that the more I speak life unto evil things, the braver I get. I can do it all with love and respect. Respect is one word that has many meanings. One of those meanings is “edify”. It literally means respecting someone is also to correct them. It’s because you love them, that you respect them enough to not let them go down their black hole of darkness.

It leads me to the beginning. Yes, it is all so uncomfortable. It made me think, though. If I feel this uncomfortable and I choose to stay quiet. And then another christian also feels uncomfortable, and also stays quiet. Then so on and so on. Then, no other christians are left that are suppose to be the salt and light of the earth. Who then are going to speak God’s Word? I cringe to think that evil’s words could win instead when in reality it should be the other way around. Evil should cower at the power of God’s Word.

In a much shorter version of this whole post, my friend and I basically talked about this and I said, “I’m at this point where I just want to speak God’s Word, speak life over evil, and share His Truth when we are called to and if people get offended… then that’s their problem” She responded with, with a straight face I might add, “That’s authority.” Plain as day, simple as that. She gives me the word I been thinking about all day, week, and months! That’s grabbing a hold of the authority that God gives us which reminds me of this:

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. – Colossians 3:16-17

Let the message of Christ DWELL among you. That means Christ lives within you – as you teach with WISDOM and do it all in the NAME of JESUS. I basically just retyped all that with caps on some of them. It feels good though. NAME. JESUS. WISDOM. WOOOOH. It’s our part as Christians to let that message spread because it does many important things. It convicts of sin which leads to repentance which leads to healing. It stops complaining and grumbling because we no longer are focused on ourselves but to the greater good (someone brought to Christ or someone repenting). If one person can do that, and another can, and eventually leads a chain of that command – just think of the good that will do even if it’s uncomfortable. Who are we as Christians? The ones who stay quiet together or the ones who will speak God’s Word together and prove the gospel to be true?

Hi. I sat on this for a few days and now it’s Sunday night. We went to church this morning at ten which we didn’t even realize it was spring forward lol. “Wait why does the clock in the car say it’s 8:57 am?” HAHA. Anyway, last night I didn’t feel good at all. It was an extreme ew feeling. I told my husband to just take the kids anyways if I end up not making it. Well, I made it lol. Guess what today’s sermon was about? Actually, it was about lots of things, but the pastor began the topic with authority. Authority! I got chills a bit. It was from the book of Luke in chapter four:

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.”

What the verse is speaking about is actually to those who are spiritually poor. People who say they love the Lord, but do not actually follow Him, those who do not strengthen their relationship with Him. It also speaks to those who actually hate the Lord because the following verse talks about recovering the sight of the blind. Those who truly refuse to open their eyes and see the Lord. We have to truly realize that the way it was back then, it is the same way it is now. Humanity does not learn and history repeats itself. Even before God turned flesh and walked on the earth till now: proclaiming the good news is still prevalent.

Man. I was just pretty amazed. It was almost like it was confirmation. Wait, not almost! It was definitely confirmation that what I was deeply distraught with (those tugs) was actually for real. God was really tugging at me. I don’t believe in coincidences because how does things work by chance?

“Apprehend access: Pursue of God with all intentions, to grab Him, and receive His authority.”

That’s just goosebumps right there. I had to write it down in my notes app. RECEIVE HIS AUTHORITY. He gave it to you and I to proclaim the good news. We are not meant to stay quiet. On top of that… my Bible plan that I’m reading said this:

“Just because you’re not speaking death doesn’t mean that you’re speaking life. This is a concept that took some time for me to fully understand. As we’ve previously gone over, speaking life isn’t only for you. Speaking life can positively affect all who are around you. When you make it known what you set out to do, people take notice. When you believe it enough to speak it out to the world, those who may not know the Lord can take interest.

Because both bear fruit. Speaking life will bear fruit, but so too will speaking death. Making the decision to not do either will only leave you with a fruitless season.”

It’s beautiful how God works. It’s even more heart clenching how God literally listens to me. I whisper underneath my breath all the things that’s vulnerable. I share with Him my fears and hurts… and He responds with confirmation. He loves me that much to weave through other people to give me this message.

I just wonder how that works. How does the Bible app recommend plans that is just at the right time? How do pastors find topics that literally speaks to someone? Does God give them that nudge too? Hmm, I will never know but from all this I know that God hears me completely. John 1:12-13 talks about to those who believed in HIS name, He gave the right to become children of God. And children of God holds the authority to speak His word. So as children of God, you and I, let’s proclaim it together:

Lord, I am yours. You are the most high God and the one who holds the power. I am made in the image of You and you give me this authority to speak Your name. Your name is the Word. The Word that gives life to the dead of hearts. You are the breath that enters the lifeless soul. I choose to proclaim your good news with every step that I take and in every room I enter. In Jesus’ name, I receive your authority. Amen.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this:

Looking for Something?