I am a thinker, a ponderer, and often find myself reflecting on situations… oh wait! Those are literally the same things, haha. Mostly, I am a learner and like to share the life lessons that God has taught me. I am a woman, but especially a daughter of God, so my words that I share are from the best teacher ever, Jesus Christ. You’ll find bible verses and how it speaks to me in my life. Today, I’m talking about how marriage and relationships make us realize about A LOT OF THINGS or specifically, four things in this post!

What is a marriage? What is a relationship between two people? How can two such different people come into one likeness, work together, and build a life? I have been married for thirteen years now and I remember those days or even years that was difficult and very trying. Those times are long gone and my husband and I found a beautiful place in our marriage that is amazing and rewarding. That beautiful place doesn’t come without lots of work and real love.

Realize what love is.

What is love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Nothing really ever comes into perfection, because life is never perfect. No two people are ever perfect, and any one individual can ever be perfect on their own. Likewise, your husband or your wife isn’t better than you just as the same as you are not better than your spouse. Can you imagine if I’m always proud and boast about myself, and never lifting up my husband? If I am easily angered and keeps all of the wrongs my husband has done? Forget about being patient or kind… Who am I, then? That is someone that thinks I am better than the person God has given me to spend my life with. My husband is a gift, so I should treat him with love.

Realize your spouse is also God’s child who’s also on a journey.

Galatians 3:26: “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith” Nothing falls into place by simply just falling into place… Everything requires effort, work, and a steady faith. I know I’m God’s child, He created me, nurtured me, and saved me from a culture who did not know who Jesus Christ really is. These took years of a long journey on my part that is obviously now, led by God. It was years of exploring, searching, and many times falling and failing… but God was and is always there. This is a faith I have that I worked on along side God. He never gave up on me. He’s always patient and kind. He never got angry with me for taking so long to listen to Him and He didn’t count any of it against me. Wow, He’s good.

Likewise, your husband or wife also has their own journey and that is something that we don’t realize. I don’t know my husband’s heart the way God knows his heart. I don’t know his thoughts the way God knows his thoughts. I don’t literally, in actuality, know from start to finish my husband’s journey with God. I have only witnessed and experienced parts of it, but that is still not the whole picture of how God sees him. God is so patient with my husband. God is so patient with your husband. God is so patient with your wife.

If He is so kind and patient to your spouse when they do something wrong, that means that your husband or wife is that precious to Him that they are deserving of that unconditional love. Who are we to take that away? Who are we to count their mistakes and hold it over them? Who are we to look at their journey with God and inspect it? They’re on a journey, too and it is not a race. They are God’s child, too… so we should love our spouse the way God loves even though they sometime hurt us. I realize that kind of sounds bizarre, but I think love is bizarre. It calls us to be patient and kind when in truth, WE DON’T WANT TO BE. That’s why it’s so important that there is a mediator.

Relationships are not only between two people. God needs to always be center and He is the one who keeps our foundation strong. I am not in the center, my husband is not in the center, but God. We fall, can become selfish, and our actions can portray those ungrounded feelings…but God is there in the middle to pick us back up and keep us on our ground. He needs to be center so that He can bring us back to real love.

God shares us this important verse about love because He knows we forget or don’t realize it. We all fall short and can never be all that all the time. That’s where forgiveness comes into place.

Realize you’re always going to have to forgive for the rest of your life.

Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” God knows things about me that I’ve done in my life that He forgave. He forgave me when I did not declare Him as my God. I only prayed when time on the clock called me to pray. I only fasted when the calendar told me to pray. I did not have a relationship with God for the longest time. Can you imagine if your kids suddenly just stopped believing in you or declaring you NOT their parents? Yikes… that’s some crazy stuff, but God forgave me when I did all that and more.

He forgave me time and time again… and if I’m that precious to Him to forgive me over and over for the rest of my life, I should do the same to those who do wrongs against me for the rest of my life. Who am I to be so entitled that I should not forgive? Am I really that perfect that I don’t have to forgive? The Lord who is so amazing, powerful, and does not have to actually do anything for us, literally does so. These train of thoughts really does keep me on such a steady ground.

Our spouse will always get short with us, your husband and wife will do something that will probably hurt you or do something that you just don’t agree with… Remember what love is, remember they are on a journey, too, and remember that forgiveness releases YOU of any burden weighing heavy on your heart. Forgive thousands of times, seventy times seven times, infinite of times because He has done the same for you. Let go and give everything to God because He is the ultimate healer of your marriage and relationship.

Realize you can’t change anyone else but yourself.

Philippians 4:6: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” All you can do is give it all to God because He knows what burden it can cause us when we think we can change another person. It will always disappoint us and make us think negatively about ourselves and your spouse. “Am I really not that important that my spouse can’t change for me?” Have you ever said that in your mind? That says two things about you and your spouse because it speaks that you’re not important and your spouse is selfish.

These things in repetition will put a person in a black hole and it is difficult to climb out of. These things can create uncertainty and anxiety. Instead, give it all to the Lord who knows how to change a person’s heart through their own journey with God and His convicting whispers. We are bound by time, therefore we think it should happen within a certain amount of time. Don’t forget that God isn’t bound by time. Everything is just IS to Him and that is something that is hard for us to grasp.

Only you can control yourself and only you can change yourself. It’s easy to retaliate with anger, speak life unto that person and retreat instead. Give them room to think and hear God’s words on their own. God’s words are quiet sometimes. Prayers are powerful, so choose to pray instead while you wait. It’s even easier to yell at those who have hurt you, sing songs and worship to God instead when your impatience trickle in. Surely you will see, that little by little, powerful things will unravel by the simplest of ways. Above all things, remember what Love is. The more you get into the word of God, the more you are fed by His living word. The more you feed yourself of His living word, the fuller you get, and therefore you will eventually become overflowing with God’s words that it will change your attitude and reactions that those around you will notice. And they will say, “Wow! Who is this person?” In the midst of the storm, you are singing. Let the love of our God be shown through you!

Let’s pray together

For her:

Dear Lord, I am going to do something different today.
I’m going to let go of today’s afflictions and give it all to you, Lord.
You are the almighty God who knows things that I can’t even come close to know.
I don’t know my husband in a way that You know him. I trust that You have a way with him that comes from real love, Lord. I lift up my husband to You so that all his heartache and worries are healed from Your great love. I pray that he feels comfortable reaching out to You and talking with You. Help me to become the woman You created me to be. Help me to be patient and kind even when it is difficult. Help me to become still and be peaceful in your presence, Lord. Help me to forgive all the little and big things just as You have forgiven me. Help me to see him as You see him right now. Thank You for showing me what love is so that I can learn to reflect Your love around my husband, too.
I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.

For him:

Dear Lord, I am going to do something different today.
I’m going to let go of today’s afflictions and give it all to you, Lord.
You are the almighty God who knows things that I can’t even come close to know.
I don’t know my wife in a way that You know her. I trust that You have a way with her that comes from real love, Lord. I lift up my wife to You so that all her heartache and worries are healed from Your great love. I pray that she feels comfortable reaching out to You and talking with You. Help me to become the man You created me to be. Help me to be patient and kind even when it is difficult. Help me to become still and be peaceful in your presence, Lord. Help me to forgive all the little and big things just as You have forgiven me. Help me to see her as You see her right now. Thank You for showing me what love is so that I can learn to reflect Your love around my wife, too.
I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.

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